The Darth Vader Chronicles

I am a Star Wars fan -- not in the "hang out in my Darth Vader costume waiting for the next Knights of the Old Republic to come out at Game Stop" realm of fans. I don't know Ewok as a second language. I don't have a "May the Force be with you" bumper sticker.

That being said, I have found myself with a certain connection to a "Tall Dark-helmeted" figure. I wish I could say that it was as cool a person as Darth Vader. But sadly my resemblance is more to his lesser-known brother/cousin, Chad Vader.

For those who do not know him, Chad Vader is a youtube.com favorite these days. Already to episode 6 in the saga, Chad is the former day shift manager at the Grocery Emporium, his own "Empire" if you will.

The language in Chad Vader is a little rough at times... nothing worse than you will hear in any sitcom these days, but I must caution anyone who wants to watch it.

It is probably one of the best parody/fan films I have seen to date and is destined to become a cult classic. Much like Napoleon Dynamite, the lines and phrases in Chad Vader will be heard on college campuses everywhere.

My strange connection to Chad comes in the form of two main similarities: 1) breathing issues, and 2) Management issues.

Bronchitis has struck again and I find myself needing the assistance of over-the-counter medications to keep me "free and clear." Perhaps a breathing device much like Vader's could come in handy.

As far as management issues, I think we all could learn some management techniques from Darth Vader. "

From The Empire Strikes Back:
[Darth Vader has just learned of Admiral Ozzel's big blunder, and activates a viewscreen]
Admiral Ozzel: [appearing onscreen with Captain Piett] Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of lightspeed and we're preparing to...
[Ozzel stops, and suddenly begins to choke, clutching at his throat]
Darth Vader: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. Captain Piett?
Captain Piett: Yes, my lord?
Darth Vader: Make ready to land our troops beyond their energy field, and deploy the fleet, so that nothing gets off the system.
[beside Piett, Admiral Ozzel utters one last strangled gasp, and falls over dead]
Darth Vader: You are in command now, Admiral Piett.
Admiral Piett: Thank you, Lord Vader.

Life would be so much easier wouldn't it?

Of course we cannot do such things in "real life." However, I think every manager has had a moment when the "Darth Vader Technique" crossed their mind.

As we go about our daily lives, let us all remember that there is a little Darth Vader in each of us... perhaps even a Chad Vader.

Now we must make this battlestation fully oper--- uh

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